Self-sabotage: What, Why and How

Today's topic is too common to be ignored. It is also hurtful and difficult to deal with. But that's why I felt like talking about it.

It is our dear friend called Self-sabotage.

How many of you have already done something you knew you would regret later? And how many have repeated that over and over again?

As Kay Zega explains: "Self-sabotage is the unconscious sabotaging/disrupting of best intentions that hinders some people from reaching their full potential and can stop others from enjoying the success they have achieved."

It means that there is something in you that blocks you - it keeps you in a negative energy where you just sabotage or disrupt the good things you are intending to do. Whether it concerns your health, your finances, your relationships - self-sabotage can show up in any area of your life.

Self-sabotage is subconscious. It is a drive that makes us do things even if consciously we really don't want to.

How to Recognize Self-Sabotage

The most difficult part is to realize it, to become aware of it. The most common emotions that trigger self-sabotaging behavior are: fear, low self-esteem, jealousy, envy, criticism, hatred, pessimism, laziness, frustration, anger, arrogance.

Common signs of self-sabotage:

• -Improving your daily habits only to go back to the old bad ones shortly after
• -Starting something and quitting before completion
• -Eating, drinking or doing things that are harmful to you
• -Inability to stay in long-term relationships, or staying in destructive ones
• -Saving money for something important, then spending it all suddenly
• -Joining a class or gym but rarely or never attending
• -Perfectionism: Feeling that whatever you accomplish is never good enough - if it's not perfect, everything is ruined
• -Feeling stuck and unable to move past a certain point
• -Procrastination: "the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday" (Napoleon Hill)
• -Feeling like a fake, a failure, not deserving your success

Why Do You Self-Sabotage?

It's often the fear of success that holds people back - sometimes even more than the fear of failure. Some people are unconsciously scared of what would happen if they did succeed. They sabotage their success because they don't want to become "different" or lose the people around them.

It can also be because of deep negative inner beliefs, often from childhood. You don't believe in your ability to succeed. You think you don't deserve it. So you unconsciously sabotage yourself to prove to yourself that those negative beliefs are right.

Do you have a self-talk where you often hear: "I can't", "I shouldn't", "I don't deserve", "I won't last"? All of those things create a negative energy around you that actually attracts negative things to you. The result? Exactly what you were telling yourself.

What to Do

When you start recognizing the patterns - the limiting beliefs leading to negative thoughts, leading to self-criticizing self-talk, leading to self-sabotage - then you can choose to change them and get out of this spiral.

Steps to overcome self-sabotage:

1. -

   Recognize and admit it. Be aware of it without judging, without blaming, without guilt. You can see it coming when it's on its way again, and that's ok.

2. -

   Identify how you self-sabotage. In your relationships? Your eating or drinking habits? Your professional career?

3. -

   Understand why. Why do you react like that? What is in it for you? How does it make you feel better, in some way? Analyze the underlying emotions: fear? Guilt? Anger? Shame? Get to the core of why you behave like that.

4. -

   Don't let your happiness depend on others. Your happiness is IN YOU. You have the power to do what you want, to be happy, to live the life you want.

5. -

   Choose positive, encouraging, loving thoughts. Tell yourself off when the negative self-talk starts. Work on your inner beliefs. Choose to be kind to yourself and stop punishing yourself every time you do something "wrong."

6. -

   Surround yourself with positive people. Get over the limitation of other people's minds. Don't let them keep you from achieving what you really want. Rise up. Free yourself. Be PROUD of who you truly are.

Your journey will be perfectly imperfect. Each step of self-awareness is a victory. Embrace it.

In Love and Happiness,

Stephanie