Be kind to yourself and forgive

Yes, exactly. Forgiveness is not what you give to others. No. Forgiveness is something you do FOR YOURSELF.

I still have a lot to learn on this, but I wanted to share what I have been experimenting personally, hoping this will help some of you on your own journeys as well.

The Struggle with Self-Kindness

I have always been quite hard on myself, accepting only the best and beating myself down whenever I was doing something wrong or not reaching my own expectations. Because I was so severe with myself, I was also as severe with others. My close friends and family sometimes call me "The Dictator" because of my directness. My explanation is simple: I only want the best for them, and I can't stand seeing them make choices that won't help them be at their best.

But life is not easy, and often you get disappointed. Disappointed by yourself, disappointed by others. And what happens is that you get angry, resentful, or fearful or ashamed. Whatever emotion comes out, it is really important to acknowledge it, understand it - and let it go.

The Work of Forgiving Yourself

It took me time to understand how much I needed to forgive. Forgive myself first. Forgive myself for not being perfect, for not being that Wonder Woman I wished I was. Forgiving myself for my flaws and for the mistakes I have made. Forgiving myself for hurting people sometimes, and for hurting myself as well.

In order to forgive myself, I had to start digging deep inside and discover who I really am. When you know who you are, you understand your reactions better and you can manage difficult situations much better. And usually, the more you realize who you truly are, the more... you love yourself. When you understand where your deep struggles come from, everything makes so much more sense. And yes, you actually start loving yourself, as if you were discovering a new friend.

I had always heard about this concept, but I never really understood what it meant until I actually had to go through it myself. At one point, I had no choice but to face my true reality, accept what was going on, what went wrong, and just learn from it and move on.

Staying stuck in the past doesn't take you anywhere. Life is movement. Go forward, don't hold on to the past - you can't change it anymore. Use it as a good experiment, learn from it, and use it so that you become a better person every single day. By being more kind to yourself, it is incredible how you become more understanding with anyone else.

Forgiving Others

We all have had problems, fights or issues with specific people around us, and we somehow know we didn't really get over certain things that happened. Whatever it was, it might come back to your head from time to time, and you can still feel the anger, disappointment or sadness because of what a person did.

Well this is exactly when it is highly important to FORGIVE. Don't stay with such a negative emotion stuck inside you. Be loving and kind, whatever they did. By forgiving them, you liberate yourself from this heavy weight. To forgive is the only way to move on.

You don't need to forget, and we are not saying you should act as if nothing happened. It is just a matter of truly, deeply forgiving - feeling the love inside of you rather than anger, fear or shame. It is difficult and may appear impossible. But by meditating on it, spending time with these thoughts, you can slowly let love replace those negative emotions.

I only truly understood this when I accepted to face the emotions that were stuck in me. It was hard, it was tough, lots of tears came out - but it was so liberating. Accepting to face them made me realize how stuck they were in me, even when I wouldn't consciously feel them.

The Freedom That Comes After

Today I can say that yes, I had been living with stuck emotions inside me for years without really realizing it. The day I accepted to face them, I felt liberated almost instantly. I loved myself so much more - for who I was, for who I have always been, for the woman I am exactly as she is.

Facing these inner blockages gave me wings to fly. I learned to love myself more than ever before, and I learned to forgive from the bottom of my heart. Yes, I forgave things I thought I would never be able to forgive. And doing so fills you with so much love that you feel amazing.

I haven't even told the person I forgave what happened, because this is not really necessary. Again, when you forgive, you do it for yourself. Love doesn't need words.

There is no need to hold on to bad feelings. Make your life a better place to be by filling it with positive thoughts, positive feelings and positive energy.

In Love and Happiness,

Stephanie