Self-confidence: my tips to gain it back

Why are so many of us doubting ourselves? Doubting our own capabilities?

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Why are there people who are not afraid of anything (or so it seems) and who go out and conquer the world no matter what?

How can we build up a self-confidence that we might have lost or that we have just never acquired?

How can we get over those inner blockages that prevent us from being who we truly are, and that prevent us from shining bright?

I have myself struggled with this most of my life. I knew this lack of confidence wasn’t logical. Objectively, I had all it takes to be proud, sure of myself and confident enough to speak up and go out there. But no, I wasn’t. I was always the one hiding behind the others. The shy one that was waiting for my friends to speak for me. I always had this fear in me, that I wasn’t enough, that people would be disappointed or that they would just not like or appreciate me.

To be honest, it still happens to me, that I don’t feel secure, good enough, that I am just afraid of failing or that I am just afraid of being ridiculous. But this is not stopping me anymore from doing what my heart wants to do. I know how to deal with those feelings. And overcoming them is a challenge worth all reward. Once you start overcoming your fears, you don’t stop anymore, because the feeling is just too good, and because you grow each time a bit more and become…a greater, more confident person.

And these are a few tips that I think can help some of you believing and becoming the Super Hero you already are:

1.       Stop worrying about what others think

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I have been talking about this a lot already (read here), but…. This is something that comes up all the time, whether during my coaching sessions or when I observe people, how they behave, in reality AND on social networks. Everyone likes to be appreciated and/or even impress. This is normal. But this should actually be a real drive to be our best. This should not be a burden for our self-accomplishment. And unfortunately, it often is. Because instead of thinking: “I love who I am and will shine bright no matter what”, we tend to think: “I am not good enough to do that, what might people say?”. This is such a WASTE OF WHO WE ARE. Who cares what people think, seriously? People will love you even more because you are being your true self, because you are being authentic, and because you are not afraid of showing your weaknesses and that they actually make you stronger. Do you know one person who everybody likes? Of course not. There are always lovers, and haters. There will be people who will admire you, and others who will take some distance, for their own reasons. IT DOESN’T MATTER. LIVE YOUR LIFE. No one else will. And keep this in mind: what others think has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. It is all about them, and their own perception of you. Their view is biased by their own feelings, experiences, and struggles. Don’t put yourself down because of this, it just doesn’t make sense. If you still feel stuck, even if you know all this, meditate on it, feel the blockage within, accept it, so that you can better let it go.

Approach all of this with love. With love for the others, and even more with love for yourself of course. Meditating on it can help you take some distance and change your thoughts pattern. This is all worth it, so stop wasting time and start taking a step back regarding this. Challenge yourself every day, with little things, getting over your fear of what the other person is going to think. You will soon feel liberated and won’t ever look back again.

2.       Use daily positive affirmations

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I have my own mantras, that I like to repeat to myself, whenever I can. When I am getting ready in the morning, or taking a shower, walking down the street… There is always time to read them or repeat them to myself. You might not feel it straight away but it does have a big impact, especially on your inner self and paradigm. We are all programmed with what we have been watching, listening to, reading, hearing from our parents and/or entourage…. If you have been hearing your whole life things like “Life is tough”, well that’s what will be ingrained in you. If you have been hearing “Those people are lucky, we are not”, well that’s what you will keep in you all your life. Unless you de-program it. And repeating daily positive affirmations is part of this process. Find true, deep, meaningful mantras that really resonate with you, that provoke something in you, that make you feel this inner shift, and maybe that make you smile. These are a few examples:

-          I accept and value myself exactly as I am

-          Who I am is good enough

-          I am unstoppable

-          Life unfolds exactly as it should

-          I am beautiful

-          I am becoming my better self

-          I love myself unconditionally

-          …

Our thoughts and emotions get programmed from a very early age on. By repeating those affirmations every day, we can re-program our subconscious mind and/or paradigm. I strongly advise you to follow the work of Bob Proctor regarding this subject. Stop beating yourself up with constant negative self-talk. Stop being modest. Assume the beautiful person you are, from the inside out. People think they have to be modest all the time, but this can be quite detrimental. If you are always putting yourself down, never acknowledging the magic in you, you are the person you are hurting the most. By accepting to shine bright and showing confidence and pride in it, you are not hurting anyone, but you are boosting yourself and acknowledging that yes, you are worth a lot and that you are happy about it.

3.       Flip the coin

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As I was saying, don’t let negative self-talk take over. When you witness those detrimental thoughts starting, just stop them. Tell yourself off! Make something radically different. What can help at the beginning is to listen to some motivational audios of speakers. Listening to something allows your mind to rest: you don’t have time to downgrade yourself as you are listening to something else. And if what you are listening is uplifting, inspiring, and if it wakes up some desire, drive or motivation in you, BINGO.

As a special note, that’s why I stopped listening to (or reading) the daily news. I know that if something big happens, I will hear/learn about it anyway. But I don’t need to have this constant flow of negative brainwashing all the time. And you will see that suddenly, you have more time to read or listen to things that really mean something to you and that can make you personally grow. What you watch, what you listen to, what you hear, who you are with, all these things ARE CRUCIAL. So make your world a better place to live in by making better choices, and by choosing consciously when to say yes, and when to say no.

4.       Nurture yourself

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This is part of the self-love improvement. And it starts with how you take care of yourself. If you keep on eating bad foods, how can you start feeling good, from the inside out? By showing yourself (and the world) that you are worth much more than low quality processed foods, you are proving yourself that yes, you are worth it. That yes, you deserve the best. That yes, you have the power to decide what is best for you and you have the right to live the best life you can live. And yes, you are showing that no matter what people around you eat, you know what is best for you and you don’t care about what they might say (and that they’d rather follow your lead…!).  Be the leader of your own self-love. No one will do it for you. You don’t need anyone’s love to be and live fulfilled. The love most of people are seeking is actually already there, within themselves. Love yourself so much that you won’t allow any bad comments or judgements from yourself to yourself. Cleaning your physical system will help you clean your mind and connect with your soul. This is the holistic lifestyle: you can’t work on your mind without taking care of your body, and vice-versa. Both work together and it is actually beautiful to witness. So if you are in the process of gaining more confidence, you have to realize that your inner work has to collaborate with a healthy lifestyle (food, movement, breathing…). And that both are just proofs of your own self-love. And after all, loving yourself, isn’t it a first step to much more confidence?

5.       Your past doesn’t define who you are

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And finally, I would like you to keep this in mind: you are not what you have been. Your past is amazing, no matter what you have done, or what happened. No matter how hard the journey has been so far. Because it is only lessons in disguise, and an opportunity for you to grow, change and become an even better person. And don’t be afraid of the change. The consequences can only be beneficial. Don’t think you are being selfish by doing those things for yourself. You can not give what you don’t have. And therefore, you can not be an exceptional human being if you don’t feel it within you in the first place. It is essential to realize that working on yourself, on your inner struggles, discovering conscious or unconscious blockages are crucial steps that everyone should be going through. And you will soon realize that whatever you discover, it often reflects one thing: life is beautiful no matter what, and everything happens FOR you, and for a good reason.

Trust the journey. Life doesn’t need to be hard, tough and complicated. It is all about enjoying the process, having fun on the way, and being able to laugh at ourselves.

Do I feel ridiculous sometimes? Do I sometimes think to myself: “Ok, you could have been better, what are you doing??”. Of course!! But the big difference, is that to me, this is just even more motivating for the future. When I feel ridiculous, I know I am actually not. Well, maybe I am, but I don’t care, because the reward of taking action compared to staying still is irreplaceable. And when I know I haven’t been at my best, it motivates me even more as I know that next time, I will be at my best.

Stephanie Cuesta Holistic Health Life fitness Coach

And above all, as I was saying, I am having fun. I am having fun failing sometimes. I am having fun feeling angry or sad. I love experiencing those beautiful human emotions. I feel alive, and I am just loving it. Yes, some days I am a bit down, and it is always a sign that I need to reconnect to myself. When I do it, I often realize how beautiful everything is, how grateful I am for absolutely everything that happened to me, and how I am enjoying the adventure.

Hope this article could help you see the brighter side of life, and of yourself :-)

In Love, Confidence and Happiness